Day 4: The Johnny_7482 Program

I had a lot of trouble starting tonight. Maybe it's not a good sign that I'm already feeling tired of writing sketches, or that I'm already cranky about not drinking for three whole days. So it's probably not surprising that after jotting down a few ideas, the only thing that tickled my fancy was a short little sketch that is more than a little cynical about the process of creating comedy.

The Johnny_7482 Program

The set of a late-night talk show. Everyone in this sketch talks in an inhuman parody of the cadences of a typical late-night talk show.

ANNOUNCER (VO)
End mandatory product specifications download! Scheduled viewing of program = JOHNNY_7482 PROGRAM!

KRAFTWERK MUSIC plays. Sound of clattering metal and old modem noises.

ANNOUNCER (VO)
Where program = JOHNNY_7482 PROGRAM; host = Johnny_7482!

JOHNNY_7482 enters. He just might look like Andy Kaufman in Heartbeeps.

JOHNNY
Reactions as follows: Gratitude! Acknowledgment plus gratitude! Gratitude! Gratitude! Plea for silence. REQUESTING COMPLIANCE.

Audience settles down.

JOHNNY
Mood scan commencing: mood = content. Introduction module commencing: Generator of sequential tone strings plus reflexive acknowledgments = Mr. Microsoft Utah 7!

Mr. Microsoft Utah 7 is in the corner smiling creepily and standing upright.

MMU7
Acknowledgment! (Opens mouth, music comes out, closes mouth.)

JOHNNY
Where status open parenthesis Mr. Microsoft Utah 7 close parenthesis = x;
x+1;
test humor content;
if humorous end;
otherwise, repeat!

MMU7
Acknowledgment.

JOHNNY
Has current event 08B72Z9 been previously downloaded? If false, request download.
Comic timing pause...
Current event 08B72Z9 substitute location non-current event X96L12!

"Applause."

JOHNNY (cont'd)
Acknowledgment.

MMU7
Assessment of non-logical substitution -> does not compute = HUMOROUS

JOHNNY
Has current event 6F272RQ been previously downloaded? If false, request download.
Comic timing pause...
Current event 6F272RQ compares to non-current event LY864T: Semantic similarity = 38.6%

MMU7
Acknowledgment of similarity. Search for meaning -> results negative.
Does not compute = HUMOROUS

JOHNNY
Gratitude! Plea for silence. REQUESTING COMPLIANCE.
Has current event HG387O been previously downloaded? If false, request download.
Comic timing pause...
Current event HG387O concatenated with string...FART

MMU7
Fart = "Expulsion of gaseous by-product from anterior section of animal digestion system" (opens mouth, music)

JOHNNY
Gratitude. Show quality scan -> 6.74 out of 10. Listing of models and programs scheduled for future attendance! Preparation for mandatory product specification download period, followed by resumption of current program. Request for non-termination of observation. DEMAND COMPLIANCE.

FIN

Copyright © 2008 Jeff S.

I'm sure those of you who are coders are going to have a problem with this sketch.