Day 18: Pantscakes

This sketch was inspired by a strange smell at the Broadway Comedy Club on Wednesday night. Rachel wrote the little mini-monologue by the mother.

Pantscakes (commercial parody)

A kitchen. A FATHER is dressed to run a race. His KIDS are tugging at his pants legs.

FATHER: Daddy has to run a race!

KID #1: But you said you'd make us pancakes!

FATHER (panicked): THERE'S NO TIME!

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): There's always time for breakfast with Pantscakes™!

FATHER & KIDS: Pantscakes?

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Pantscakes is the revolutionary way to make breakfast on the go! Throw away all those pots, pans...even your stove!

GRAPHIC: Pots and pans and a stove being Xed out.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): With the Pantscakes patented Biothermal Cooking System™, you can cook breakfast on the run, using the heat from your own crotch!

GRAPHIC: A silhouette of a man in the Da Vinci pose. A pair of cinched underpants, like a child's training pants, appear over his pelvis. His pelvis grows red and emits wavy red lines.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Before you head out for a jog or a busy morning of errands, simply pour Pantscakes batter into our patented Pantscakes Wonderpants™. In under 30 minutes of light to moderate exercise, your pants will be full of warm, fluffy pancakes, enough for a mid-morning snack for yourself or a full meal for the whole family!

Kids pull pancakes out of the father's pants.

KIDS: Mmmmm! Warm!

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): And don't forget the Syrup Sack, for an endless supply of body-warmed syrup and melted butter for those pancakes!

Medium shot of mother talking to camera.

MOTHER: But you can't have pancakes... I mean Pantscakes... every day!

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Guess what? You can cook so much more using the Pantscakes Wonderpants!

We see each food in succession, being pulled out of someone's pants.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Try scrambled eggs! Breakfast meats! Home fries! Even oatmeal!

Medium shot of mother talking to camera.

MOTHER: Between managing my clients at work; keeping up with my composting; shuttling the kids to power pilates; freecycling; fighting human rights violations; making sure my pets are eating organically; helping my community find shelter for orphaned calves, and volunteering my pre-used oils for biodiesel production, who has the time to make fluffy rich pancakes for a family of six (or an extended a foster family of eight)?

Product shot.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): For such a futuristic time saver as this, you might expect to pay upwards of $450,000, roughly the gross national product of Guinea-Bissau! But for this limited time offer, you'll get the Pantscakes Wonderpants, the Syrup Sack, ten gallons of Pantscakes batter and a trial vat of Pantscakes Eggs-traordinary Egg-flavored Scramble Mix... all for the low, low price of $79.99! And you'll never run out of batter, because we'll send you ten gallons of Pantscakes batter every month, for only $19.99!

The father finishes his race and is surrounded by his adoring family.

FATHER: I took third place in my age division! How should we celebrate?

WHOLE FAMILY: PANTSCAKES!

LEGAL ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Pantscakes are a novelty item, and are not recommended for human consumption. Consult your doctor if you are considering eating anything out of someone else's pants.

Copyright ©2008 Jeff S.