Day 16: Vito & Carmella at the Beach

At our rehearsal for our benefit show on Sunday, in which we are going to be lucky enough to play with the hilarious Stephen Guarino and Kate McKinnon of Logo's The Big Gay Sketch Show, I was complaining to my prolific teammate Michael about how I'm falling behind on this project. I had figured out on the way there that I would need to write a sketch a day for eight days and two sketches a day for seven days.

He reminded me that they didn't all have to be long sketches, and that I had at least one blackout sketch (more of a filmed sketchlet) that I'd been telling him for months about but had yet to write down. So I wrote this one down last night just before falling asleep.

Vito & Carmella at the Beach

A low-rent Mafia couple at the beach in beach chairs. He's reading a copy of Breaking Fingers for Them What's Dumb. She's watching a young, fresh-faced couple not far from them. The boy has buried the girl in the sand. She's smiling and giggling. He gives her a sip of wine, and kisses her.

CARMELLA
How come we ain't never done nothin' like that?

VITO
Hm?

CARMELLA
Them two over there. They're being all romantical. How come we don't do that?

VITO
What the fuck are you talking about?

CARMELLA
I want you to bury me in the sand.

VITO
Come on! I'm readin' over here!

CARMELLA
Vito!

VITO
All right! All right! Madonn'!

He gets up and picks up a nearby shovel. He proceeds to dig a deep hole, until he is up to his neck in sand. Finally, he's done. She stands by the hole, clapping her hands excitedly. He swings the shovel at the back of her head. She falls in, and he starts filling up the hole.

Monty Python stock footage of old ladies clapping.

Copyright ©2008 Jeff S.